Last night I asked my husband how he was, and he replied "Overtired and undersexed."
I died a little bit on the inside. It made me feel REALLY bad, like I wasn't doing my "duty" as a good wife to keep him sexed up as much as possible. And, to be honest, this is one area that we have not really had much of an issue with in the past. I have always been one of those wives that was always up for a good roll in the hay, even if I wasn't in the mood, and I even prided myself on the fact that, as of about six months ago, I had NEVER turned him away. Not once.
Well that streak's dead. There have been numerous times the past few months that my husband has started groping me and I have been so incredibly tired and emotionally drained that I have rolled over and escaped his advances, slipping into a deep, life-escaping sleep.
Eight years wasn't a bad run, right?
Instead of having sex multiple times a week, now we are down to about once a week, and it's a banner week if we sex it up twice. Pathetic. Lame. TRAGIC even. But right now, sex is really low on my list of things to do. It doesn't even make it on the to-do list, where all the most important stuff goes to be crossed off.
But between worrying about the swine flu and whether or not to vaccinate my kids, working from home 40 hours a week, trying to keep my kids from destroying my house or themselves, and the various activities, appointments and responsibilities of daily life, I'm just spent. And my libido is spent too.
I know I am not alone. This seems to be one of the most common complaints from parents that I have come across in my surveys. Everyone wishes they had more energy for sex, but they don't know exactly how to get it. If only we could bottle the energy our children have that allows them to function on overdrive from sunrise to sunset. But we can't. So what do we do?
What do YOU do when you are overtired and undersexed?
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Calling all desperate housewives, soccer moms and PTA mavens!
The Sex and The Suburbs blog is devoted to anything and everything related to sex and motherhood. Whether you are, or ever have been, a married, single, young, old, gay, or straight mom who lives a typical life complete with play dates, school activities and carpooling, this blog is for YOU. I created this blog to help me write my book, Sex and The Suburbs, by getting priceless feedback from other moms of all walks of life on what they are concerned about or what they want to learn when it comes to their sex lives. It will also be a safe place for moms to talk about sex, ask questions, air concerns, and tell their stories.
The Sex and The Suburbs blog is devoted to anything and everything related to sex and motherhood. Whether you are, or ever have been, a married, single, young, old, gay, or straight mom who lives a typical life complete with play dates, school activities and carpooling, this blog is for YOU. I created this blog to help me write my book, Sex and The Suburbs, by getting priceless feedback from other moms of all walks of life on what they are concerned about or what they want to learn when it comes to their sex lives. It will also be a safe place for moms to talk about sex, ask questions, air concerns, and tell their stories.
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6 comments:
I watch the movie "unfaithful" when Diane Lane does it with the hot foreign book dealer in the stairwell of his apartment building...and bada-bing...I'm in the mood, energy or not.
"Unfaithful" is porn for women I'm thinking....
Perhaps you could do one of those five hour energy drinks....I wrote a review on one awhile back in my blog if you want to check it out:
(http://hoscorners.blogspot.com/2009/08/product-review-time.html)
....maybe you could do a shot of that when you need an extra boost?
I was married once, I have been where you are....but I once heard someone say that the more you do it, the more you'll want to...tired or not, you just need to do it. If it means you have to keep Unfaithful in your dvd player on pause on the spot in the stairwell...well then so be it. ;)
It doesn't HAVE to be an 8 year run and out....you are a sexual creature....one that might be on hiatus due to life...but trust me, your sexual goddess won't betray you permanently, she'll be back, and tell your husband, look out for when she does, because he may not be able to keep up with YOU!
hmph! *nods*
~hl~
{www.hoscorners.blogspot.com}
Wow, that was one of the best comments I have ever gotten! Such good advice and I think you are so incredibly right. I can't lose faith in my libido, it hasn't let me down yet in roughly 14 years of sexual activity. That damn life getting in the way needs to step off!
How about vodka and red bull with dinner? Would that work you think? ;)
Im a guy, Im never to tired for sex...the wind blows and Im horny......lol
Petra dear ~ I have faith in you! Whether it's Red Bull and Vodka for dinner....or doing the laundry in stockings, garters and heels...for no other reason than to remind yourself of your sexual nature...I have faith that you will find the key.
You may not of locked the door, but you oh wise one, you hold the key! I know it.
~hl~
hope i'm not considered a perv for reading your post, but as a younger brother of three sisters, i learned at an early age that the more i could gather from the opposite sex, the better. for that reason (and the fact that you write beautifully!), your post had me from word one.
my wife and i are both very fulfilled with our sex life. i'd say our running average is 2x per week, but you seem to think that's not good. curious about that. your 8-year run? serious props. but, honestly, life gets more cluttered w/ resposibilities as you age. those responsibilities require time and energy. the days don't get any longer. they get shorter. giving your partner the heisman from time to time? (picture the statue and the stiff-arm) perfectly natural.
maybe it's b/c we're 40. maybe it's b/c we have four kids under the age of 9. maybe it's b/c 3 of them are 26-months-old. maybe it's b/c in addition to owning a small biz w/ 15 employees, i'm also a writer. maybe it's all of the above, but TWO time a week? we're THRILLED with that. (by the way, we have BOTH turned each other down before, but i'd guess between the two of us, we're still batting .800)
at least amongst my friends? my wife and i are CLEARLY resting comfortably in the clubhouse with the lead. like most, i suppose we can be a bit streaky, but when we hit lows, we create time for us and us only, then we do what works. and what works for us is to cookout by an outdoor fire, then skinny dip in the hot tub while eataing our dinner and drinking wine. all of us have different situations/different settings. if you live in manhattan, you're probably not rocking a hot tub, but that's not my point. my point is that everyone has the capacity to find what it is that sexes you and your partner up. everyone should take advantage of that.
but, NO sex will ever happen unless you're constantly making deposits in your partner's emotional bank account. after all, you can't withdraw what's not there. the biggest thing that turns me on to my wife is how much i love her and how much she loves me. that's the case b/c we both make the deposits (insert your sex-joke here).
kinda rambling here, so i'll stop, but i am curious: are you saying that 2 x per week's not good?
great post! -jco-
Thanks for the comment! and not pervy at all, we want the men's input here for sure!
No, I am not saying that two times a week is not good, what I am saying is that for US it was not good. But times have changed, we are older, have more kids, more responsibilities and more stress, and I guess we need to aim for two times a week as our "new normal" But everyone is different, and if two times a week is satisfying for you, then I think it is fantastic that you are hitting that mark!
Good for you man! And please keep coming back. I promise I will have more good stuff up here soon. I recently lost my job (and my mind) so I am currently putting the pieces back together to come back strong!
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