I don't know about you, but I am still carrying around some extra pounds since I gave birth to my daughter, oh, three and a half-odd years ago. I never imagined it would be SO incredibly hard to lose the weight. And I never thought I would feel so un-sexy at times that I wouldn't even want my husband to see me naked.
But sometimes, I do. I admit it. Sometimes, I feel so lumpy, bumpy, stretch-marked, and saggy that I get as insecure as a chubby teenage girl with her first set of boobs. I even go so far as having thoughts during sex like "what if he's thinking how gross I am right now?" or "please don't touch my stomach, please don't touch my stomach." Or the worst: "Can he see how much that JIGGLES???"
Pathetic? Neurotic? Ridiculous? All of the above, yes. But it's true. And I know I am not the only one out there who feels this way. I know because I have surveyed over a hundred moms of all walks of life, and many of them have these same thoughts and insecurities.
Laura, a 32-year-old mother of three said "I feel like someone else has taken over my body. It doesn't look the same, it doesn't feel the same, and it doesn't react to my husband's touch in the same way. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to get my old body back."
What Laura expressed to me in her survey reflects how many mothers feel after giving birth. Completely out of control. Of their bodies, their hormones, sometimes even their ability to produce enough lubrication to get a finger in their hoo-ha, nevermind a penis. And although some of this goes away within the first six months after that screaming ball of joy has made its appearance, some of it doesn't. Sometimes, we find ourselves, YEARS later, still wondering when we are going to turn that corner and reclaim control.
Don't get me wrong, I have my sex kitten moments when I feel like my curves are a blessing instead of a curse, and my husband tries his damndest to make me feel like I am just as sexy as the day I met him. But I am always telling myself that if I could just lose that weight, everything would be so much better. I could let go more in bed, enjoy each moment a little bit more, and initiate some hot, crazy sexy time much more often.
I need we need an attitude adjustment. Instead of letting our bodies control how we feel, how about controlling our bodies with a positive attitude? I'm not saying that I am ready to throw in the towel and stop trying to lose the weight, but why shouldn't I cut myself a little slack and stop being so hard on myself? It's not like all the self-hatred is helping me, and it certainly has no place in the bedroom.
Here is what I am going to do. And I challenge you to do the same. Tomorrow I will wake up and notice the good things about myself. I will work out so I will feel strong and powerful. I will tell myself that I am sexy and confident. And maybe, just maybe, I will let my husband see me naked with the lights on.
Or maybe just some candles...
Baby steps ;)
So tell me moms, how do you feel about your bodies? What are your insecurities? And how do you make yourselves feel sexy? Do you have sex with the lights on and let it all hang out or is it strictly lights-out, under the covers for you?
As always, you can click on the link in the right sidebar to submit your stories, thoughts or feelings and it will be sent to me completely anonymously. Or, just leave a comment here and tell me how you feel. I'm not picky.
Whatever you do, have a sexy day!