There is one irrefutable fact that I believe all mothers can agree upon, whether they are married, single, gay, straight, or any combination of the above.
Sex changes after children.
These changes range from physical changes, such as the size and tightness of your vagina, to mental and emotional changes, such as the urge to scream "Oh my God, don't touch me, do you KNOW what just came out of there????" any time your partner starts to initiate anything resembling sexual activity. Then, of course, there is the time issue, the total exhaustion, and the lack of time alone without the fear of coitus interruptus by a small child toddling in or an infant screeching for attention.
It ain't easy. But it's very easy to somewhat give up and resign yourself to the fact that your days as a sex kitten have been replaced with a lifetime of producing milk, changing diapers, cleaning up puke, and being a taxi driver for your children. Don't do it!!
Whatever you do, don't give up.
Here is an excerpt from my column at SexIs Magazine that may just shed some light on the issue:
But our sex lives don’t have to die a slow, painful death. Even though midnight feedings and puke covered clothes are soon replaced with kids’ activities and homework, it is possible to still feel sexy and fire it up in the bedroom while navigating through the suburban turmoil of being a soccer mom. Some couples find it easy to keep each other hot and horny and make the time to stoke each other’s fires, while others wade through hang-ups on body image, the inability to find the time or fall into the lackadaisical attitude that they just don’t have the energy to try anymore. And I won’t even get started on the single moms who are trying to date and get some action without dragging their children into uncomfortable and traumatic situations. What those moms who are getting it on night and day (and are satisfied) have over the others is the ability to communicate their wants and needs and create the sex life that they want. So why isn’t everyone doing that?
Yes, why isn't everyone doing it? Why do we find it so difficult to talk to our partners about what we want, what we don't want, and what makes us feel like running and screaming out of the room (such as your partner poking you in the back with his hard-on the morning after you have been up all night with a colicky baby)? That is the question of the day today ladies:
Do you communicate with your partner about what you do and don't like? And if not, why? If you do, how do you bring it up in a way that doesn't hurt feelings or pride? For example, maybe you just aren't comfortable with your husband touching your breasts while you are breastfeeding. What is the best way to tell him this without making him feel cut off? Or maybe you don't want him to touch your stomach because you are self conscious of your stretch marks. A conversation before the fact will be a lot more successful than swatting his/her hand away when they go to caress your tummy; so what do you say?
Feel free to comment here, send me an email or click on the link to the right for "Stories and Suggestions" (which is always 100% anonymous) to tell me what you think. Next week I will share some of the thoughts you ladies have dished and we can delve into the issue a little further.
Thanks, have a great day and try to make it a sexy one!